I Have No Idea How

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Those years ago
I have no idea
How I opened up
And let her in
No idea how
I let her hurt me
  the way she did
But those holes
In my walls
In my armor
I found them
And sealed them closed
I won’t hurt again
Not like that anyway

Epilogue
The trick is on her though
I kept a piece of her
Trapped inside of me
No matter how far she goes
I’ll have a fragment
Of a love that…
  that shouldn’t have been
    but was
  maybe
    only for a moment
  maybe
    lasting a lifetime
      and into the next

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Tattered Journal

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I wrote those
     darkest memories
In that tattered old journal
Ink slipped the stories
That only got told
In blood and nightmares
I let slip
The deepest of demons
And when
     the words were done
I took that
     tattered old journal
And set it to flames
Those darkest of memories
     now ash and cinder
Still burning inside
But for a moment at least
     a little cooler
And the nightmares
     a little dimmer

Survive Me

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​You’re stronger than you think
And I know you’ll survive
Even the things
You think that you can’t

But I have to pull away
Because the one thing
That you cannot survive
Is me because of who I am

It isn’t that I doubt your love
Or that there’s any question
About the intensity of mine
Love was never our wall

We were each other’s poison
As much as we ever were the cure
But the scales were never balanced
Always hurting more than healing

Don’t forgive me
Even though you’ll say
There’s nothing to be forgiven
No… don’t forgive me
Survive me

Just An Excerpt

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​This…
What the fuck is any of this?
An exerpt from a larger book
We’re but a chapter
Maybe two
We never read the beginning
We’ll never know the ending
Are the final pages even written
Does it get put down
Forgotten in a cluttered den
The point of the story
Never really known

Pendulum

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All these words
I don’t know
If they are the things
I feel
Or the things I think
I should feel

The pendulum sways

One day I’m convinced
I feel these things
So deeply that
Every ounce of my soul
Shattered completely
Feeling too much

Another day
Is like looking through
A hundred feet of glass
I can see the things
I should be feeling
But all that’s there
I a mirage
Cold and distant
Instead of feeling
What I should

I read the things
I’ve written
Then drift away
Into my memories
And I’m either
Torn and broken
Crushed by my emotions
Or I’m distant
And detached
Empty with apathy

If all just depends
On which way
The pendulum sways

Save This for Later

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​Close my eyes
Be elsewhere
Anywhere other
Than in this dark
And dusty room
This isn’t my body
Not in this moment
I’m far away
At least for now
There’ll be time later
To be back here
Nightmares
And dark
Lost angry memories
Those will be the times
I’m back in this fucking room
But for now
I’m somewhere under
A deep blue sky
Not trapped
In this dark
And dusty room