Sometimes it feels like
I have everything
Under control
All these moving pieces
Grasped firmly
In my hands

Other times it feels like
Things are violently
Out of control
All these moving pieces
Spinning wildly
Out of my grasp

Maybe control
Was always an illusion
And I never had any
To begin with
Maybe knowing
Everything is out of control
It’s the closest thing
To real control
That I’ve ever had

The part that scares me
Terrifies me even
Is that these two things
Often feel the same
These days
I can’t seem to be able
To tell the difference