Mouth Full of Butterflies

Tags

,

She was strong
When what
She really wanted
Was to be delicate
Like a butterfly

And so that’s
What she let
The world see
A delicate butterfly

But the world
Had taught
Her lessons
She never wanted
To learn

It was no place
For delicate butterflies

And so
She would teach
The world
Her time
For delicate
Was over

She was now
A strong
Beautiful dragon
With a bloody mouth
Full of butterflies

Epilogue
Over the years I’ve had many dreams and nightmares about dragons eating butterflies. I have no idea what it means, but the imagery is always vivid. And when an amazing Twitter account that I follow changed her avi to a picture of a woman with a bloody butterfly in her mouth, it immediately caused a visceral reaction, and I was compelled to write this, with her permission.

Thank you @CrystalsChaotic for the inspiration and letting me write about it.

For those curious, here are the links to a couple of older butterfly related tweets that her avi reminded me of. Almost a year later they are still among my favorite.

Hardened

Tags

It hasn’t happened often
But once in a while
I forget who I am
And let someone in
Just far enough
To break my heart

Each time I tell myself
I’ll never let it happen again
With each lesson learned
My armor strengthens
I hope it’s hard enough
To not let it happen again

Funerals

Tags

,

In the last 5 years
I’ve been to 5 funerals
So many people laid to rest
Today in the funeral
As she buried her son
I couldn’t help wonder
Who I was really there for
Him to say goodbye
Her to offer needed support
Or me…
    to remind myself
That contrary to how I feel
I am still alive
As much as I’d like to think
It was one of the first two
I’m sure the truth
Is somewhere in between
And I’m ashamed of myself
For making any part of it
No matter how small
About me
But I guess if we were all
To be so very honest
That’s what funerals
Are really about aren’t they
For us to grieve
For us to remember
For us to start
      to somehow heal

More Goodbyes Than Hellos

Tags

, ,

I don’t know if it’s simply
That I’m getting to that age,
Or if it’s how difficult it is
For me to let new people in
But it feels like I am having
Less people coming into
    my life
Than people leaving
    my life
Either through death
Or them simply walking out
There are more exits
Than entrances
And no matter how many times
I have to do it
Saying goodbye
Never get any easier

Pieces of Me

Tags

Any time
Someone has loved me
It’s never been
All of me
Only pieces
Some part that fits
What they need
The truth is
There are parts of me
That cannot be loved
And never will
But that’s ok
Because it’s better
To have had
Someone love
Pieces of me
Than none of me

I Try To Forget

Tags

,

I try to forget
The way her name
Slipped so easily
Through my mind
And off of my tongue

I try to forget
The way her eyes
Pulled me in
Like a tide
That couldn’t be resisted

I try to forget
The way my dragons
Writhed and ached
To touch her skin
And taste herr flesh

I try to forget
The way I loved
Even when I knew
Love
Would never be enough

I try to forget
All these things
That I know
That even if I could
I never want to forget