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Wounded Memories

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Wounded Memories

Tag Archives: Life

Open Eyes, Closed

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by woundedmemories in Uncategorized

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Tags

Death, Life, Nightmares, Poetry

​Are my eyes opening
Or are they closing
Am I waking up
Or slipping
    into a nightmare
Both feel real
Both feel fake
I can’t tell anymore
This reality
This nightmare
They both
    taste the same

Wake me up
Let me dream
Fix me
Break me
Tell me I’m ok
Scream at me
    that I’m insane

Let me breathe
Suffocate me
Some how I think
I won’t notice
Any difference
    in between

If my eyes are open
When will they close
And if they’re closed
Will they ever
    open up again 

Cracked and Broken

19 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by woundedmemories in Musings

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Tags

Death, Life

Decades ago my grandfather bought me a plot in the graveyard among with the rest of the family. It was always so surreal to see my name on a tombstone with my birth date and a dash. It was as if it were just counting down the days.

My sister went to visit my father and grandparents tomb last week and said there was a large crack in my tombstone. None of the other ones near… Just mine.

She said she was going to get it repaired, I told her not to worry. She paused… Then asked why. With my mask on tight I smiled through Skype and said it isn’t worth the money, it’s OK.

Inside my mask, in the thing that dwells inside, I simply thought why not let my sigil in death match my soul in life. Cracked and broken.

Life’s Noose

11 Sunday Jan 2015

Posted by woundedmemories in Poetry

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Tags

Death, Life, Poetry

Noose around my neck
Made from threads of life
Everyday slipping tighter
And somehow I’ve become
Just a little too comfortable
With the way it feels
Longing for the comfort
Of when I breathe no more
And the noose finally loosens

How Do We

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Musings

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Life, Thoughts

How do we go back and undo the things we’ve done? How do we put them back to the way they were? How do we move forward when the current pulls us back?

I don’t know the answers to any of these, and more importantly, I don’t know if we should even if we knew how.

As enticing as backwards looks, it never leads anywhere. Forward may not lead to where we want to be, but at least it leads us somewhere.

So maybe the question isn’t “how do we go back?” But rather “how do we live with what’s forward?”

Not All Paths Are Meant to be Walked

11 Monday Aug 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Poetry

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Tags

Life, Poetry, Sorrow

We all have paths to walk
Whether those paths
Are meant to be walked
~ or not
Is not relevant

This path I’m on
It was never meant
To be walked

Filled with monsters
Of the worst kind
Including me

But this path
Carved before I could walk
Is the path I’m on

I’m not always alone
But still
Always alone

I want you
To walk with me
But I know
You can’t

And so
I continue
To walk alone

Well
~ not quite alone
You will be in my mind
~ and certainly
~ in my heart

We Never Become Un-broken Do We

03 Sunday Aug 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Musings

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Life, musings

A while back an injured bird was hanging out outside my window for a few weeks.

After about a week, when it could fly again (I saw it take a few short flights, up to a tree, back down), it didn’t leave. It just stayed there in that general area, never gone for more than an hour.

It was as of it forgot what life was like before it was broken.

I thought to myself how curiously similar this is to us humans, out at least some of us humans. Once we are broken, it feels like we are always broken.

I did say a few weeks didn’t I? The bird eventually died. Maybe the injuries were worse than I thought, and I just saw metaphors where there were none.

Either way I related with that bird and was sad when it died. Not that it died, that’s natural. But that it forgot how to live, and I wonder far too often if I haven’t forgotten as well.

The Kiss

08 Thursday May 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Prose

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Tags

emotions, Life, Love, Thoughts

I see you standing over there with your head tilted slightly down and my heart starts to race. I don’t know if you see me yet, but in seeing you I am flooded feelings I can’t explain. What am I doing here? What is going to happen?

Silently I step closer, but not so silent that you can’t hear me – I want you to sense my approach. Standing in front of you I wonder if you can hear the thunder that is my heartbeat, or if you can hear the catch in my breath. Tilting your head up our eyes met.

If I have ever seen anything quite as beautiful as your eyes I don’t remember it. They have a gravity all their own, pulling me in. Slowly I raise my right arm, fingertips barely touching your forearm, they trace up your arm, sliding over your shoulder, play across your collarbone, caress your neck so lightly you aren’t sure if you’re imagining it… up the back of your neck, into your hair that feels silky in my fingers.

Firmly with my hand in your hair I pull your head in closer to mine. For the briefest of moments I feel you resist, but only for a split second, then you allow me to draw you in, closer.

My right hand is still gently on the back of your head, my left, though you have no idea how or when it got there, is gently caressing your back, my fingertips are gliding back and forth, up and down.

Still staring into my eyes you think I am going to kiss you then and there, but I don’t. I stop a fraction of an inch away, our lips so close we can “feel” them without touching. I can feel your warm breath. I breathe you in, in a deep, slow breath. I tilt my head down, past your cheek, to just below your ear and breath you back out.

My breath is hot against your earlobe, your neck. Still though, my lips don’t touch you. I can feel your breathing quicken and your body is pressed up against mine so tight that we feel each other’s hearts beating.  Slowly, agonizingly slowly, I draw my lips back towards yours… when I get close you get impatient, lean forward but I pull back… not yet…

You close your eyes, barely able to contain yourself.  Then slowly you feel the first touch of my lips. Barely, just barely, I slide both of my lips, first across your upper lip, then across your lower lip. Not a kiss, not yet.

Then you feel my tongue, warm and wet, slip across your lower lip, caressing your lower lip till it reaches your upper lip, still not a kiss, not yet. You let out a sound, somewhere between a moan and a whimper… a sound that is begging me to stop teasing you.

Suddenly, without warning my hand in your hairs grips hard, my hand on your back has managed to side down to your ass (even though you don’t remember it sliding down there) and grips hard. I pull you in, my mouth crashing against yours, thrusting my tongue in your mouth.  Finally… Finally we are kissing.

Our tongues are desperately sliding across each other, sliding in and out of each other’s mouth, silky and warm. Your hand has made it to my neck; you are pulling me in closer, desperately trying to pull our bodies closer even though they can’t possibly get any closer.

I suck on your tongue, tasting it, and then forcefully my tongue goes back to your mouth dancing with yours. Eventually I ease up, not to break the kiss, but to savor it. I let my mouth and tongue explore you, tasting your lips, sucking on them, tasting your cheek, your neck, your ear… I nibble on your ear, my tongue hot against your lobe, then down your neck, to your collar bone, tasting your skin, caressing your skin with my lips and tongue.

We break for a second, pulling back to stare into each other’s eyes, searching – Should we be doing this? Is this right?  Almost as if our thoughts are one, we decide we don’t give a fuck, and desperately, as if this would be the last kiss either of us ever had for the remainder of our lives, we lock again… our tongues dancing again, our hands exploring each other…

After an eternity, but one that didn’t last nearly long enough, and several failed attempts to draw back from each other, we finally break away, both of us gasping for breath, our hearts pounding so hard that surely they are going to explode.

We stare into each other’s eyes, letting or breathing settle, our pulses slow to normal. We don’t talk; both of us realizing a word had not been exchanged this whole time, and just stare into each other’s eyes. There are no words to be said, none capable of capturing that moment.

Silently I walk away, stealing glances over my shoulder, catching you stealing glances at me. As I am walking I am wondering if I will ever get to kiss you again, wondering if you are wondering the same thing.

Falling Into You

07 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Poetry

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Tags

emotions, Life, Love, Poetry, Thoughts

I was falling
Into you
Maybe…
…I wasn’t falling
Maybe…
…I fell

But I’m climbing now
Finding my way back out
I’m not sure
If I’ll ever be
The same
As before the fall

There will always be
Some piece of you
Stuck inside me
And I think
This makes me happy

-May 7, 2014

Yesterday

04 Sunday May 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Poetry

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Life, Love, Poetry, Thoughts

I guess that was yesterday
And this is today
So much had happened
And I’m not sure
There’s anything left to say
Except that I miss
What we were
What we might have been
What we never had a chance
to be
But mostly
that I miss you

-January,  1999

You Were

29 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by woundedmemories in Poetry

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Life, Poetry, Thoughts

You were the bad habit
I never could drop

You were the good habit
I never could learn

You were the cure
I could never take

You were the wound
That never could heal

You were the dream
I could never quite finish

You were the nightmare
I could never quite shake

You were the soul
That I longed to love

You were the soul
That I needed to hate

You were the story
I ached to read

You were the story
That hurt to write

You were all of the things
That made me human

You were all of the things
That made me a monster

You were

But you never were

-February, 2014

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