Inside I see the dark
Within I feel the cold
I know now that tomorrow
Can only be filled with sorrow
As the rain pours down
I ask, can it cleanse my soul
I think I know the answer
So soon I shall embrace my fate
So filled with anger and hate
I rage at what I am
I Weep for what I was
There is no atonement
No escaping the sins of yesterday
Lord bring on the night
Let sleep take my soul

-January, 1998

You ask that I believe
‘In what?,’ I ask you

You tell me forever shall be mine
I say tomorrow has no meaning

You ask that I take your hand and believe
In something that I cannot see
You say that you are creation

I say that with you immortal touch
I have seen you bring mortality

You ask that I follow
Your lead into your kingdom eternal
I say I cannot step behind
That which I do not trust

You say you are the bringer of light
I close my eyes
And step back into the shadows where I belong

You say your love is flawless and absolute
I say I’ve never been held by arms that loved

You say you will bring me peace
I say I’ve known only pain and suffering

You tell me in the end all will be ok
I say in the end it will not matter

You ask that my soul I give to you to keep
With knees bent and hands grasped you ask that I pray
I say my soul is dark and not worth giving
I bow to no one, I cannot beg nor plead

You say no matter what you will be there for me
I ask where were you when I needed someone the most
As I walked my darkest hour

You say you will never turn your back on me
I ask where was your guidance when I needed to be rescued
From anger, from hate, from me

You ask that I believe
I say ok
But only in me

-December, 1999