The ghosts of who we were
Of who we could have been
Constantly haunting
  and tormenting me
Should I exercise those spirits
Forever closing a door
That never quite opened
Or do I let them linger
Paying the price
In the currency of torment
So that I always have a piece
Of what we used to be
Of what we might have been

It’s the ache that fills every crevice of me

It’s the constant writhing of the dragons in my tummy

It’s the checking of this email every 20 minutes for the last few weeks

It’s the waking up I’m the morning and my first thought being about you

It’s the not being able to go to sleep because I’m wondering if you’re thinking about me

It’s the sorrow of knowing you are thinking about the end 

It’s the anger at the universe for its fucked up sense of humor

But it isn’t just those things

It’s the heart slipping a beat when I get a new message from you

It’s the smile on my face when I *know* you’ve been thinking about me

It’s the amazing fact that I not only had a dream, but a fucking amazing one about you

It’s the growl of your name tumbling from my lips

It’s the excitement I get when you talk about the was I make you feel

It’s the swelling of my heart when I know you feel down and I wish nothing more than to be there for you to hold you

It’s the warm feeling I get every time I think about you which is all the time

It’s the curiosity of how exactly I came love you, but acceptance of it

I just don’t know how
To stop hurting you
When it feel like every word
Brings you more misery

I just don’t know how
To stay very far away
How can I heal
All the things I’ve broke

I just don’t know how
I can make this alright
And make you feel
Like you’re whole once more

Please tell me how
I can hold you in my hands
There I go again
Bringing nothing but ache and pain

And I really don’t know how
To stop loving you
Even though I know
It’s slowly breaking you down

All I do know
Is that you didn’t scare me away
Even though I can’t say
I didn’t scare you